Holy crap I'm almost 40!

Okay, not exactly. I mean, I'm 34-going-on-35 this year but still that's on the fast track to 40 in my book. I don't think I realized this until today. Well it actually all started yesterday when I was talking to a coworker and he was sharing the details of his 25th birthday. WHICH HE JUST HAD. I don't know why I was so surprised, I mean, I started teaching when I was just 22, but knowing that I was nearly an entire decade older than him really threw me for a loop. Theoretically I could have taught him. WHEN HE WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. Ugh. Just, ugh. 

I should be grateful...few people guess my actual age. They usually think I'm about 5 years younger than I am, and that's awesome. Unless they are lying. OMG WHAT IF THEY ARE?!?! WHAT IF THEY ARE JUST LYING TO BE NICE??? Oh Lord help me- this is just too much. 

And anyway, it's one thing when someone assumes you are 5 years younger which would make you 25 and it's another thing when 5 years younger would still place you at 30! This sucks. 

Then today, I went on Facebook and saw a friend (my age) who posted a link on "Things to do before you turn 40" and I realized...I have to read this. Because this is me. That's my next big milestone… 40. And then I felt a little nauseous. I can't have a list of things to do before 30 anymore because that's come and gone with little fanfare. 40 awaits. Is it possible for people feel doom in their stomachs??? I think I'm feeling impending doom right now. 

So now this is a thing. Today I will look for some kind of eye cream because I'm freaked out about wrinkles. It'll have to have retinol, I have no idea what retinol IS, but I've heard it's good for wrinkles. I already have been dyeing my greys since I was ACTUALLY 25 so no news on that front. I'd buy a Ferrari or something but I don't think it'd go with the baby's car seat. Regardless...I'm having a crisis people. A bona-fide mid-life crisis. 

Maybe soon I'll start to get into that stage of being a happy and sexy mid 30s woman, but I'm not there yet. Maybe I should be, but I'm not. I don't even see myself in my 30s yet. In my mind I'm still in my 20s. Well, my new mindset is telling me that I'm pretty much 40 so I'm not really sure what happened to my 30s.

Or maybe I do. My 30s gave me a lot of things. I learned about heartbreak. Then I found new love when I wasn't even looking. I left a school that was falling apart but had brought so many new friends into my life. I bought a house and turned it into a home. I found new interests. I travelled the country. I went to Europe. I brought life into this world. As a result of that new life, I bought a minivan. It's not exactly a Ferrari but I love it nonetheless. I did some freaking cool stuff in the first half of my 30s. Maybe the other half will be just as cool? Or cooler, even???

Hmm. Okay. Maybe this isn't quite so bad. Mid-life crisis averted. For now. 

I might still buy that eye cream...just in case.