A Serious Post, for once.

I just woke up from a nightmare. Well, I woke up an hour ago, and have been feeling uneasy ever since. It happens on the rare occasion and I hate it. It's not so much the nightmare itself, but the other thoughts that creep into my brain after I wake up. 

I'm pretty good at being a glass-half-full kinda girl most of the time, except when THE THOUGHTS come. 

I stopped watching the news a little while ago because of this. I just couldn't handle the fears it induced in me. You see, I tend to personalize the horrible stories that the news broadcasts, but unlike them- I don't forget about them in a few weeks once the firestorm has died down. This has become worse since having my daughter, I suppose that's because I now feel like I have much more to lose if I become one of those horrible stories. 

For instance, a while ago there was a terrible story about a baby in her stroller with her grandmother when debris fell from a construction site, injuring the grandmother and killing the baby girl. It was all over the news at the time and I literally burst into tears when I heard it. Months later, the news has long forgotten the story, but I have not. More importantly, neither has the family of that baby girl. And THAT is what sticks with me. The idea that nobody cares anymore that that little girl's mother still has to wake up every day without her daughter. It breaks my heart and scares me to the bone at the same time. 

A few years ago, a couple was attacked while loading their car after Christmas shopping and the husband was killed, execution-style, trying to protect his wife. I think of them every year during the holiday season. I love Christmas and find such joy in it, but every year my heart sinks when I think of what it means to that widow. 

I could go on and on with the stories that plague my brain, but that is not the point of this post. It's not one of my lists where I'm jotting down all the macabre thoughts that swirl in my head. I guess I'm just trying to pull out some glimmer of hope at this moment. It can be so hard to find, but I need to FEEL grateful for what I have, rather than fear what could be. I know I AM grateful, but sometimes when my thoughts get the better of me, it's hard to feel grateful beneath the fear. 

Although some of my closest loved ones have been affected by anxiety and clinical depression, I never have- but I suppose this is the closest I come to understanding what they go through. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, that glass-half-full me seems, well, not like me. But she always comes back. Usually pretty quickly too. Because instead of focusing on possible loss, I focus on the amazing people that are worth all this worry over. 

So that's it. A brief journey into the things that keep me up at night. Or...in this case...early in the morning. I'm probably not going to promote this post as it isn't for others as much as it is for me. I could have made it private, but it shows I have layers and stuff. Idk. Whatever. Now back to your regularly scheduled zany posts in 5...4...3...2...