Where'd my baby go???

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! And what a year 2015 has been for me. I survived the entire year with a child! And, even more impressively, she survived it too!!! Woohoo, how's THAT for success? But now, as the year draws to a close, I have come to a sad realization. I don't have a baby anymore! My little Mila is still here, of course (She's actually singing in her sleep as I type this) however, in the past week or so I have concluded that she is no longer a baby. I have a toddler 😩. Of course, she'll always be MY baby, but something has definitely changed. I noticed it on Christmas Eve, while she was sitting and playing in the living room. I'm not sure what triggered it...perhaps it's the fact that her top two teeth finally came in, or that her hair seemed to grow a full inch in a week. Perhaps it was the fact that she now prefers standing over crawling and is walking with her little baby walker all over the place (until it crashes into a wall and she's lost). Maybe it's because she's becoming more verbal, and babbling the "lyrics" (or close to them) of her favorite tunes. Most likely it's all of these things put together, but whatever the case may be, the revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. 

As much work as it entailed, I loved having a baby. Her tiny cuteness, her reliance on me, her toothless smile...she was my little gummy bear. I dreaded the idea of her growing out of the baby phase. I in no way wanted her teeth to come in, or for her to learn to crawl or walk, or for her hair to get long enough to style. This was for purely selfish reasons, and so stupid really...I loved my baby and feared what my reaction to her changing would be. Would I find her less adorable? Would I get frustrated at running after her everywhere? Would I miss her complete dependency on me?

As it turns out...the answers are not at all, sometimes, and I don't know. Before, I thought she was the cutest baby on the planet, now I think she's the cutest one-year-old on the planet. If I miss her "baby look", I sift through the 450,000+ photos of her that I've taken in the past year (if you thought that my Instagram had too many pics of her, you have NO IDEA how much I've spared you all). It's exhausting to run after her especially in my current state (7 months along and counting) but her daddy has been able to do most of the chasing for me. It's been beautiful to see them bond in a way that wasn't possible when she was breastfeeding and I was her entire world. Which brings me to the third question, I guess I miss that dependency on me...but it's been replaced by other wonderful connections that I see her developing with other family members (and the cat, Bella, the first name she's ever called out besides "Dada". Still waiting on Mama). So... I don't know. I don't think so. At least, I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. 

I guess it helps that I have another one on the way, so I'll be back in the throes of the baby stage in a matter of months. After that one starts to grow up...well, we'll see. Maybe there will be a third, maybe I'll close up shop, maybe I'll have a nervous breakdown and mid-life crisis. Maybe I'll get a dog. Okay, that last one won't happen, but still. 2016 is looking pretty amazing, and I look forward to watching my girls grow this coming year. Just...not too fast. This mama can only take so much.