To all my fans, sorry I have been too busy to blog lately, but I'm back with a new installment, so rejoice! Anybody...? Hello? Is this thing on? *tap tap tap*
Uh...anyway. I was bored and made a list today. I enjoy lists, they ground me, they make me feel like I have accomplishments, goals, and organization in my life. Or something. Well, as much as I like lists, I realized that there are many, many things in this world that I dislike. As a result, I decided to compile a list of some of those things. This is not a "Top Ten" list, it's more of a "First 10 Things That Came to My Mind" list, but whatever. Here goes...
1. Coffee. Being a teacher, this is nearly sacrilegious. I just never got into it. I don’t really like the smell at all and I certainly don’t need it to jumpstart my day the way some people seem to have the need to take it intravenously every morning. I’ve tried the flavored ones, regular, light, dark, iced, etc…but nothing does it for me. If I want a warm beverage, I’ll reach for tea, or hot chocolate if I’m in the mood. Or a white hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts…those suckers are the bomb-diggity. They taste like a hot liquid marshmallow and have enough sugar to send me to the moon and back. Interestingly, I’m a fan of coffee ice cream, even though I’m not that wild about ice cream in general…go figure.
2. Dogs. *dodges the rotten tomatoes that are being hurled in my direction* I mean, some of them are cool, but in general, I am not a fan. Large dogs scare me and small ones irritate me (except for that cutie-patootie on the Cesar Dog Food cans!). I know I’m not making a lot of fans here, but I’m just telling it like it is, folks. And the idea of having a “Toby’s new Trick” moment on my carpet one day doesn’t help matters. If you’ve seen the commercial, you know what I mean. And I don’t even HAVE carpeting. I know I’m gonna hear about this one later…
3. Tiramisu. Yes, I know, I’m Italian, but I also don’t drink wine and dislike most olives, which is why the I-Ti United Club has been hounding me to give in my membership card for years now. Plus, they found out I don’t speaka the Italiano very mucho. Anyway, I don’t know what it is about the sogginess or flavor of tiramisu that turns me off instantly, but it does. That’s probably good because I have enough food vices as it is, now pass me a cannoli, per favore…
4. The Office. As in, the television show. I just…don’t get it. Same with 30 Rock and Curb Your Enthusiasm and...well, I could list SO many more TV shows here, but I’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day (name that film/song!), so I’ll leave it at that. But yeah, not feeling it. (By the way, I never realized what an odd word "Enthusiasm" was until I just typed it. The "siasm" is totally throwing me for a loop. But I digress.)
5. Basketball. It actually makes me very, very angry for some reason. Despite my vertically-challenged status, I actually don’t mind playing basketball, but the NBA just incites a burning hatred inside me for reasons unknown.
6. Michelle Obama. This is not a politically-related dig in the slightest, as I’m referring to her fashion-symbol status and not her affairs of state. She’s in every freakin’ frackin’ fashion magazine, they praise her outfits ALL the time, and I just don’t see it. I think her style is lackluster, the fit of her clothes is often poor, and she sort of looks like the Joker. And she seems to feel the need to belt EVERYTHING! What is THAT about?!? I think Barack could’ve done better, to be perfectly frank, but to each his own. I know some of you are snapping your fingers and saying “Oh no she di’int!” right now, but deep down, beneath the stacks of Women’s Day Magazine articles, you know it’s true.
7. Muffins. Blueberry-gag. Bran-blech. Banana-dry heave. Lemon Poppy-please, make it stop.
8. Showers. Don’t get me wrong, I take them regularly, but I dislike them. Mostly because I don’t like being cold and even a hot shower involves me being cold once the water stops. Plus, I hate when my hair is wet, and it takes FOREVER to dry. Then my head is all soggy for a while. I’ve been told I look like an angry wet cat in a robe when emerging from the shower. How’s that for a sexy image?
9. The sun. I mean I’m grateful for its existence, and I know that it’s integral to our survival and all that good stuff…but I don’t like being in its ray path. Firstly, I’m pale as all heck, which I totally don’t mind, but pale folk don’t usually do well in sunlight. It’s the vampiric principle. (I just totally made that up, but it sounded good, didn't it?). Secondly, my eyes are super-sensitive to bright light, it triggers migraines, etc. I don’t think there are any decent pictures of me from the ages of 8-13 because I went through a phase where my eyes would water at the mere thought of the camera flash. We went to Disney World twice when I was a young lass and in every outdoor photo, my eyes are closed so shut that the Jaws of Life couldn’t pry the lids open.
10. Talking on the telephone. I mean, I love to talk, hoo-doggie, do I enjoy a good long gossipy chat…but on the phone? No. It makes me nervous…there is so much pressure to keep the conversation going, lest a lull shall form and, well, there’s just no recovering from a phone lull. Plus, I don’t always hear the other person clearly, and then I have to ask them to repeat themselves…and then I’m nervous that I won’t hear them the second time either, which means I’ll have to do one of the following:
A. Ask AGAIN, knowing the person is going to become annoyed with me quickly, or
B. Pretend I understood and hope that my lack of comprehension doesn’t become exposed during the rest of the conversation.
If I choose A, I’m taking a risk that I will STILL not hear the person and then B will be inevitable, if I choose B, I’ll risk looking like I wasn’t paying attention and that I am a crummy person. I should take hidden option C. Hang up and pretend the phone call got cut off.
So there it is, folks, a list of 10 things I don't like even though everyone else seems to. And there are plenty more...alcohol and gambling get honorable mentions, but I wasn't in the mood to go there.
I was just thinking, perhaps some of you feel the same way and also dislike a few of these items but have just been too shy or embarrassed to admit it. Well, I'm here to tell you, it's okay. I'll be there for you. You don't have to always go along with the masses for fear of being ostracized. We are all unique in this big, bad world. It's okay to be different, dammit!
OR...maybe now you just think I'm a freak and will refuse to associate with me on any level anymore. Hmm...it was the puppies thing, wasn't it? I knew that one would be my downfall.
